Human
by Purple Mongoose
Summary: R. Dorothy Waynewright thinks on her feelings for Roger Smith. [Complete]


Human  
  
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Summary: R. Dorothy Waynewright thinks on her feelings for Roger. (C'mon...you know she has feelings for him!...me not like Angel...) { read / don't read / review / weep / flame }  
  
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It is very strange and wholly new for me to have something to get up for in the dreary early morning.   
  
He thinks I cannot feel.  
  
Oh, how he is so very wrong...  
  
He is the reason I feel. Him and this piano that waits restlessly beneath my fingertips, aching to be played, yearning to be discovered. These secrets they hide I discover anew each morning as I summon perfection and drive the tempest into motion.   
  
He is beautiful in the morning, whether he is aware of it or not. He rants for a moment or two as I wait silently, emotionless behind my ivory mask. He dines at breakfast as Norman aids us, and I wonder ever so briefly how it would be different if I were human...wonder how the tea would taste, how the food would feel...how it would be so sweet to be human, to be accepted by him and loved by him. He orders me to stop imitating, that I am not human. How can an android have emotions? How can an android have affections?  
  
So, tell me, piano, how can I love?  
  
It confuses me so much. My world was so simple...Father was my reason. He created me and when I sang, I saw a glimmer of that gentle form of love a father has for his daughter...and it hurt me. Because he didn't see _R. Dorothy Waynewright_ on that stage in the red gown, with a smile on her lips and blush in her cheeks...no, he saw the deceased girl Dorothy warbling sweetly. When Roger came into my...life, everything was twisted. I am android, so I hid my turmoil with expertise...  
  
But what I felt for Father was not the thickly exciting and strangely soothing feeling that rips through me headily, no.   
  
If I love Roger, what is this ferocious emotion toward the one who calls herself Angel? Is it hatred? I do not think I am able to hate...is it, perhaps, jealousy? Jealous of his initial flirtations and attraction to her? Of her blatant usage of him to exploit the accursed memories so coveted by Paradigm? If that is what jealousy is, this helpless rage and limp resignation, then, yes, I am truthfully jealous. Is it any wonder, then, that I learned relief when he spoke against her exploitation of memories?   
  
I am supposed to be flawless.  
  
So why, piano, do I use you to aggravate him? I suppose it is my way of trying to tell him everything...  
  
'I love you, I love you, I love you so very, very much.'  
  
He protects me and teaches me as much as he scolds and glowers. The Mega Deuce is a sanctuary. I know the cockpit as well as he and Norman.  
  
When little Perot came into my life, I felt human. His fur and soft affection would have made me cry if I had tears with which to do so...as I held the kitten-that-had-been-a-boy, I told Roger that keeping Perot might be a test of his affections. He overlooked my meaning, asked me how an android could speak of affections to a human. I was telling him in that simple sentence of all I wish I knew how to say.  
  
'And I love you, but you do you feel the same about me?'  
  
Sometimes I see him studying me intensely and murmur something harsh and self-inflictive under his breath.   
  
'You love me, too, don't you, dear, dear Roger Smith...'  
  
Oh, piano, I wonder now, if he and Dorothy-the-girl had met, would they have loved? Am I as she was? Was she quiet, aloof, intelligent, and strict like I? Did she laugh and romp? Sing and smile under the blazing lights of the stage for Father?   
  
I move my fingers to play the resonating song I always do, and as I hear beautifully flawed Roger begin to grumble under the sheets in his room, adjoined to the piano room, I know that I love him...  
  
And I am truly human.  
  
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owari  
  
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AN: Well? Didja like it? C'mon, if you're wasting time reading this horrible piece fo literature, you might as well take a moment to review, no? I'd love to hear from you!  
  
And, yes, I will be writing a longer R. Dorothy and Roger piece. I think they both have deep emotions for each other and, yes, Roger _does_ diss Angel, in episodes/acts 07 and 08. Yes, I watch only the dub, and I happen to love the dub. Thus far, episodes/acts 01-08 have been shown and I missed all of 01 and the latter two-thirds of 02. So, I apologize deeply for any and all alterations of the timeline.  
  
Ja mata!  
  
~Purple Mongoose/PallaPlease. 


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